Understandable, Unintentional, Undeniable

I’ve been thinking about getting old and the funny things we do to delay the inevitable. Maybe the way we dress. I have “old” tendencies about some things But not that! At least not intentionally. For instance, I’d rather wear something from a nice uppity consignment shop that some rich woman has tossed out than to wear polyester! I just can’t do that. My girls never let me. They were always my shopping buddies, though I was buying for them mostly—not for myself. They all have great taste. But where did they get it—had to come from me, right? Now, when there are three of them, you tend to allow them to set the pace. You have to. You’re outnumbered. Even now, when we go into the stores, they watch me like a hawk.
“Did you just touch that piece of polyester? You might want to go wash your hands, Mother!”
“Well, I didn’t recognize it as such. It was an honest mistake. I mislaid my hand. Sorry!”

Now, for someone who is seeking to delay the aging process, I live in the wrong place. Florida! There’s a sea of polyester out there, left over from the early 1970’s. Everywhere you go, there are strange fragrances. No. You can’t call them fragrances. They’re an admixture of Shakley cleaning products and vitamins. Heavy on the cod liver oil.

I stepped into Duncan Donuts Sunday morning for a cup of toasted almond coffee. If you’ve not had it, you need to rearrange your schedule and hop by there.  It’s so easy to order. Not a grande production, either.  Pun intended. A double tall cappuccino extra dry? Who knows what that actually means?  For all I know it’s made with buttermilk and soy sauce. I do rebel against that.

I was bringing Larry a drink the other day. He’s my son-in-law who lives in the fast lane of Harley, disc golf, jet planes to who-knows-where, and signature coffees. Well, I wrote it down.  I’m sure it’s simple for him, rolling off his lips like GPS directions to Sturgis or Four Corners. But not for me! I had to say it wrong. The lady was stumped. I was ordering something they’d never heard of. So I called Angie to get it straight. Finally! I had left off the most important word—Latte! Understandable and unintentional and certainly undeniable!

Back to Duncan. A portly—yes elderly—man was standing beside me, placing his order and while I refrained from even glancing toward the basic chocolate covered glazed ones, his box was fast filling. He’s finished. No, wait! He saw yet another bin from which he had not chosen. And then he did it. He took the plunge and ordered TWO BARBARIAN DONUTS!
Two Barbarian Donuts! That's definitely understandable!

My eyes searched the bins, looking for some very rebellious donuts, expecting them to hop right out of the bin and into his box, swords drawn, when they (my eyes) landed on— BAVARIAN! 

He wanted two BAVARIAN DONUTS! How cute! A perfectly understandable, unintentional, undeniable exercise in mistaken donut identity.

I took my seat and sipped my simple cup of toasted almond and thought about cracking up, when I realized I was one with him—the only difference was he had the nerve to order two BARBARIAN donuts and I didn’t. But then, I looked at his portly waistline and back at mine and thought, if I can forgo polyester, I can stick to the sweet and pleasant taste of toasted almond coffee with one cream and an extra small sugar.

I just hope I live long enough 
to watch as my daughters slip into the 
unintentional yet undeniable—

Jane Bennett Gaddy
Trinity, Florida


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